Jody has an excellent post talking about how it feels to be her current weight and I was inspired so am totally copying her idea and am now going to write about how it feels to be 118kg.
Clothes shopping is a nightmare - clothes in my size (which I am not even sure of) are either giant sacks of ugly or hideously expensive. Shopping in normal clothing stores simply isn't an option. My friends occasionally have clothes swaps, I cannot attend because I'm the only one who is my size.
On the aeroplane you sort of seep into your neighbour's seat, and it is incredibly uncomfortable. You see the look of horror in your neighbour's eyes when they realise they are sitting next to the fat person, because it means that their flying experience is going to be difficult as well. I generally stand on the train because when I get on the only seats left are next to people, and I don't really fit very well into one seat.
At the supermarket, every item that goes in your trolley is scrutinized by others - healthy or unhealthy. If people know you're trying to lose weight then they question everything you put in your mouth, "are you allowed to have that?" or "I thought you were on a diet?". It is humiliating.
I have reflux, mainly due to my weight, I don't sleep well - I have sleep apneoa and that means I don't end up having deep sleep since I wake up every few minutes (sort of) in order to start breathing again. Lack of decent sleep tends to make me feel lathargic and generally crap. Every health problem I have the doctor blames on my weight - and until I lose it they simply won't believe that it has any other cause. Well, it feels that way.
When it comes to weekend events, my friends like to play sport but I can only play for a short while before having to sit on the sideline. It is hard to squeeze three people on a back seat if I am one of them. I try to hide from group photos because I am always twice the size of the others.
I can't think of anything else at the moment, but here are some things about being 118kg that I really don't like.
I can relate to every single one of those things, but you know what, i got down to under 100kgs before, and the joy of picking up items in a 'normal' store, not being terrified of photos, going to the movies and sitting next to your friends and not feeling like an imposition etc are so worth the effort! And you're going to get there soon :)
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